Money For Nothing

I’m in the bath, watching a candle as it casts shadows on the wall. I am transported to a distant future after seeing the green blinking light from my Sonicare. One where the demands and stress in my life are minimal, and I am old. Like, maybe 70.

It felt friendly and gentle. The demands on me are long gone, and all I am is simply sitting here in a low-lit room.

I remember feeling like an intrusion in my mom’s life at times. I learned to tread lightly, tiptoe in her presence, and touch her gently. “Mom,” I’d whisper, unsure how she’d react and often startled when she said, “What?”

I don’t want to do that to Evelyn.

I’m not ok with how magnified the wrongs of others or myself become in my mind’s eye. Or how I fixate on one thing until reality is skewed.

My grandparents had a large wall poster of a magic eye. I loved laying on their bed, squinting one or both eyes, and changing my focus to bring the deer in the woods into view.

I am trying to figure out what I’m talking about tonight. None of it makes sense. Maybe someday it will.

Love, Jaclynn

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