Shock To the Heart

My excitement at being chosen out of ten others for the cutest Pottery Barn magazine rack on Buy Nothing means my attention was split. Looking at my phone, I unlocked the car door and got in, but at seeing the dim dash light and too-dark seats, I felt disoriented. Seeing my mug, I reassured myself it was okay. But after looking more, the realization had hit; I was not in my car.

Did you see a movie as a kid that effed you up for the rest of your life? Flight of The Navigator was that for me. After a sci-fi mind trip of one-way mirrors, lab tests on people, and spaceship trips, the main character returns home. After an hour, my little kid’s body could finally relax at seeing him knock and await his parents to welcome him into their arms. Instead, strangers answered, looking confused and saying, “Are you, okay little boy?” It turns out they’d lived there for years and didn’t know him or his parents.

Torture. Watching that movie, I felt the torment of anticipating calm and receiving Jack in the Box’s face of terror instead.

And now you can relate to what being in that stranger’s car was like!

I’m stuck, not knowing what to write, and I remembered how Adrien of my daily yoga class proposed dealing with stuckness by crazily flying her arms and body about in irrhythmic movements.

Although I’m in the bath and not wanting to get water all over my laptop and bathroom, I’m doing the crazy dance in my mind. And it feels freeeeeing!

But then I get stuck again. I am thinking about my more demanding sessions and separating what’s mine and theirs. Should I have been more direct and pointed them to safety? I could’ve. But what if there was value in experiencing the costs of their choices?

I spoke with Dave about my part, and I want to act differently in the future. I want to be comfortable respectfully interjecting and bringing the temperature down on a subject or catching a client in a spiral and stopping it. 

That’s it for today. Time to dive into one of the funniest books I’ve read in a spell, “Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal”.

First, let me read a passage between an angel and the apostle Biff. “Then the kingdom has come,” said Biff. “Yes.” “How long?” “Two thousand years ago,” said the angel. “You worthless piece of dog shit,” said Levi who was called Biff, as he punched the angel in the mouth. “You’re late.”

You should definitely go read it.

Love, Jaclynn

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