Awkwardly Resilient

Embracing all of myself – quirks, traumas, successes, and failures – is an act of self-love. Being authentically and awkwardly me, whether at the social security office, in meeting new people, or in a blog post is truly one of the greatest gifts I give myself.

There’s this fascinating concept called the somatic marker hypothesis, which is similar to touching a hot stove. You know how once you touch it and feel the pain, you instinctively avoid touching it again? Well, it applies to both negative and positive experiences in life.

Let me share a personal story to illustrate this.

Brimming with self-confidence, I wore the cutest mid-thigh sundress to high school after a wonderful weekend getaway in San Diego with my family. However, within minutes of arriving at school, a group of girls gave me judgmental looks, exchanged wide-eyed glances, and whispered to each other. (Think the movie “Mean Girls”). Suddenly, I felt a pit in my stomach, a mix of fear and sadness, and was mortified for the rest of the day. Then I made a vow never to wear that dress again.

Taking the hot stove analogy above, one option would be to simply donate the dress to Goodwill – which I did – and envy whoever confidently plucked it from the rack – which I also did. But what about the unseen cost of stifling the joy that’d come from twirling in the white and blue cotton as the air blew through it?

Starting and maintaining this blog feels a lot like putting on that dress again. Sometimes, I feel crippled by self-doubt when it comes to publishing posts, but I do it anyway. Despite what others might say or think, there’s something incredibly liberating about wearing that metaphorical outfit.

I must emphasize the secret formula I’ve found: Don’t do it alone. So it wasn’t positive affirmations or blogging tips that pushed me past the discomfort. It was you. It was people that wounded me who, interestingly enough, built me into the person I am today. 

Thanks for dropping by. Love, Jaclynn