I had a client announce, “I’m now a person who’s on time.” And I’m not the first person they’d told. They’d shown up at a work meeting and a social event announcing, like it was their first-ever New Year’s resolution, “Hey everyone, I’m on time now!” This revelation is empowering. The grander meaning reflected back to them that they are a person of quality, intentionality, and value.
Is it that easy? To state who you want to be as if you already are, and then maneuver your habits to match that?
I’m bad at texting people back. But to take a similar approach—“I text people back”—feels inauthentic, mainly because I don’t like texting. But maybe that’s not entirely true. Maybe I don’t like texting when my chest is tight like it is right now. Maybe I’ve gotten into such a hypervigilant state with it that I’m no longer talking with the person on the other end, but instead experiencing the tension associated with it.
I’ve felt stuck. Stuck in that state, stuck in the “Oh great, another text” headspace, while feeling disconnected the whole time. And isn’t one aspect of texting that we can stay connected, if we so choose?
I fear I’m harming my relationships. I fear I’m in the wrong. The worries around texting and how I’m doing it are not freaking fun.
So how do I change? What do I announce to the universe as my new mantra to shore up these crappiest of feelings?
I could say I don’t text and only do phone calls or meet in person. Something in that feels pretty great to me, but it also feels like asking a lot of the people in my life to change.
I could have rules around what I text and what I don’t—sort of like with work, where texting is used more for logistics and add-ons to previous conversations, but not the conversations themselves.
Maybe there’s something to the imbalance. Geez, I’m feeling imbalanced just having this conversation, while getting no clearer on what I need.
Or maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of texting than it needs to be. I feel like so much is riding on when I text back—or don’t—and I judge myself as if I’ve failed when I don’t. That definitely is not working, and it’s something I’d like to change.
I text when I do. And I’m still a good person. That will be my mantra.
Take care. Love, Jaclynn
I think we put way too much pressure on ourselves. I walk around each day afraid of being judged and as a result drop what I’m doing to text back within a nanosecond of receiving a text. I’m getting a bit better. A full minute may go by now. lol All kidding aside. It needs to be what works for us – no announcements necessary.
Happy Wednesday!
Well said, Kiki…By not responding right away, I’m learning about myself and my desired pace. I get relationships are a negotiation of needs, and it’s not always going to be perfect.