You guys. My brain is operating on its last remaining cell. I can’t write. Send help.
Today I overthought. I thought too hard, too much, and with absolutely no solution or conclusion. The answer seems obvious: don’t do that.
But how does one have an Oreo in hand, hovering just past an open, salivating mouth, teeth glistening and prepared for the chomp… only to pull it away and put it back in the bag?
My outside world kicks ass. It’s getting an A+. My inner world? Eh. Maybe a B-. Some days, a C+.
The problem isn’t the grade itself. It’s that I’m grading myself.
Separate from all that jazz, I tend to spin like a top over other people’s reactions to me. Why did they react that way? What does it mean? What should I do about it?
This happens especially with newer people in my life. It feels awkward—like that strange little dance when you and another person are walking toward each other in the same lane, both stepping in the same direction, both doing the head juke, neither knowing who is going where.
That must be where I lose myself: focusing so much on the other person that I try to predict their next move. It’s energy spent that never gives anything back. I have to remember my own path—to shake it off and keep walking.
Love, Jaclynn
Waving a similar flag here. I do the same most days. It’s exhausting. I worry more about the actions of others thoughts about me and less about what I should be thinking inside the walls of my own yard (my brain). I’ve done a lot of research and soul searching on the topic. Here I am at 60 with less answers than when I started!!