I’m pulling out memories like polaroid shots, then tossing them over my shoulder. Where is my life’s worth?
There’s a turtle that’d-rather-stay-in-its-shell part of me tonight that wants nothing more than to kick rocks all by itself. I hope you don’t take this personally, but I’d rather be alone.
I mean, if you like and can sit quietly over there. But, shh, just shh.
Suffering is all around, and I’m sinking in it, like quicksand. I feel bound up and gagged by it, and unfortunately, words aren’t saving me like they usually do.
Speaking of, have you heard the song “Save Me”?
While playing virtual poker yesterday, a guy had it playing in the background, and I listened to him sing the lyrics…
“I’m a lost cause
Baby, don’t waste your time on me
I’m so damaged beyond repair
Life has shattered my hopes and my dreams.”
Pain’s honesty is portrayed impeccably well in it.
Sometimes we need to shatter and lay broken in unmendable pieces. And we need to know that it’s ok to do so; and that we don’t have to explain ourselves or reassure others.
Just fall the fuck apart, ya know?
Night,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 