A single tissue flaps in the wind, waving hello at me from the corner of the room. The air is on, and I’m nervous. That the upstairs thermostat is in my office and therefore under my control is a good thing, but that twice now the masseuse next door has asked me to turn it down is not.
Who is she, anyway? Spitefully, knowing that for the past year, it’s been me, myself, and I plus my clients – who, by the way, are more than happy with the temperature, brings up a possessiveness in me.
But that I’m holding my breath and glancing at the number on the dial several times hourly isn’t fun either. Especially when she’s not even working today!
I need a present or two for Evelyn’s birthday. She loves playing pretend with her stuffed animals. Dave and I may steal a moment away tomorrow since her grandparents are staying with us for a few days.
Let me recreate the ridiculousness I experienced in Starbucks earlier. First, but not relevant, is that their seasonal winter drinks dropped today. How do I know this? Well, my 10 am client with a Creme Brulee latte in hand told me so.
After a last-minute cancellation, I headed over there for a breakfast sandwich. While waiting, I saw a barista with green, glittery, large-framed glasses, not unlike what a character at Disney might wear. Two tinsel trees grew from the top of the frame to the peak of his hairline. But that’s not all. Set atop his head were reindeer antlers with C7 red and white Christmas lights. As I took a mental snapshot of all this to tell you, I noticed that Monster Mash was also playing over the speaker system.
Pure ridiculousness, right?
I’m feeling unsettled. It’s a stepping off the roller coaster, dizzying sensation. A list of unknowns and uncertainties is piling up, and my mind goes to the worst-case scenarios. Obviously, the client that isn’t responding is murdered. And that I’m an awful therapist is why another isn’t responding to me.
What if we didn’t take anything personally? The idea bounced around in a conversation I had today, and I felt a little chaotic when entertaining the idea. I am figuring out why. It could be because I thought I had to simultaneously forgive everyone in my life. Or that the definition of “personally” wasn’t clear.
Either way, I’m over it.
I’m hoping this is the last crusty-nose night with this cold. My poor mouth gets so dry and desert-sand-like upon waking that I must guzzle a cup of water to bring it back to life.
With that I hope you have a good night. Thanks for dropping by.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 