Do you ever try to convince yourself you don’t care about something when actually you do? I’m notorious for doing this, I notice my clients do this, and I can imagine you do it too.
For example, I noticed the number of views for my post from yesterday. That the number was small I had a immediate negative reaction then thought, “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter”
I’m pretty sure I told myself this to shield myself from the disappointment I felt. And also it may have something to do with not living up to my expectations (whatever they may be).
But the thing is I do care and telling myself I don’t is a lie.
A few days ago I spoke to a journalist who once wrote for the Chicago Tribune and is also the author of several books. I told her about my writing this blog and how I feel unsure about having an audience read it. “Of course, you want one,” she asserted, “you write to be read.”
I know she’s right.
And I wonder, how might my writing evolve and grow if I approached it from a place of care and desire instead of – at times anyway – a place of fear and insecurity?
I’m happy to say I ran this morning – like I said I would.
After work, on the walk down the stairs on the way to my car, I felt a strain in my back. Upon further inspection, I realized it was simply soreness setting in from my run, which made me feel all the more accomplished and pleased with myself about doing it.
Well, I’ve got enough time left this evening to play a bit of virtual poker. It’s interesting how sitting in a 3-D space with a table full of strangers from various countries around the world playing cards is such a calming and enjoyable experience.
I better get to it. I’ll let you know how I did tomorrow.
The post’s image is salmon cakes from a couple nights ago. Mmm mmm.