loss – Going On 40

The Sound of Silence

Another day draws to a close—a busy one that sighs itself away—as I pop a squat on the window seat in my bedroom. The sun hovers just above the tree line, readying for its descent, about to drape our home in shadows. There’s a quiet reprieve in spying my shepherd’s hook in the field, hungContinue reading “The Sound of Silence”

My Friend, Peter: A New Beginning

I received this message: “Hello Jaclynn, this is Susanna (Peter’s partner). I see that you tried to reach him. My dear Peter passed away. I’m texting because calling makes me too emotional.” I told her: I had hoped this wasn’t the message I’d receive—but I also wondered. Peter was one of the dearest friends I’veContinue reading “My Friend, Peter: A New Beginning”

Living After Loss (Book Part 12)

Previous I wake up groggy and disoriented. The family has gone, and the sun is lower in the sky. With thoughts on my mind, I grab my journal and pen and start to write. “The sound of a crackling fire mimics the breeze brushing gently against the leaves. The breeze picks up to the wind,Continue reading “Living After Loss (Book Part 12)”

Echoes of the End

After deeming surgery on the lining of his aorta too risky, my close friend’s dad was sent home to be with his family and to receive hospice care. He’s likely finished the steak dinner he requested, perhaps sleeping, or maybe savoring the time he has left with his wife and daughter. I’m fascinated by life’sContinue reading “Echoes of the End”

In the Corner of my Mind

I’m called in for one last bedtime request. Evelyn needs her llama-patterned blanket pulled up higher and asks, “Remember when you told me a lady sewed this for me?” “Yes, it was Judy, and she used to call you ‘my lil peanut,’” I reply.“My lil’ Peanut! I want to meet her again.”“Me too,” I say,Continue reading “In the Corner of my Mind”

Unbreak My Heart

A gun is pushing into the center of my back. I must do what I’m told. There’s a pressure inside me, an unknown force that strongholds my thoughts, stifles creativity, and makes me feel utterly powerless. I’d like to perform a badass MMA move on it. Specifically, The Undertaker’s tombstone pile driver – ain’t nobodyContinue reading “Unbreak My Heart”

Living After Loss

Death is an interesting animal. Unexpected is the relief and hopefulness that arrives sometime after, like a dear old friend knocking at the door. The tendency might be to feel guilty; how is it ok to feel like a kid waiting to get into Disneyland at a time like that? At the time of myContinue reading “Living After Loss”

Sudden Loss

My heart is heavy over the sudden death of a friend. Her name is Cory, and just last weekend Dave and I met her and her husband and their two children, a year-old boy and 4-year-old girl at the park to talk, walk and let the children play. It was a rainy and windy day.Continue reading “Sudden Loss”